In an ideal world, I would gracefully be accepting turning a year older but turning 30 is the big bang- a genourmous event in my life that a very big part of myself wants to fight and stop from happening (while kicking and screaming at the same time). I feel like I’m in a parallel universe watching myself grow older in slow motion. 30. The big 3-0. Thirty years on this planet. Where did the time go? I used to be a teenager thinking that my teachers were seriously old (yet some of them were younger that I am now). Now I look at my husband’s friends who are in their mid-30s or older and wonder will I be like that? Will I get there and be like them – stuck in their childhood, acting like children? I say my husband’s friends because I’m a bit biased – my friends who are in their 30s rock and being the pessimist that I am, I see the scary side of it all (or do guys just don’t mature?). Will my 30s be the brightest and best time of my life? How can my 30s top my 20s??? They say life begins at 40, so what the hell will happen in the next 9 years???
I rant because I know I am at a crossroads. A lot of life changing decisions have to be made this year and turning 30 signifies that these decisions cannot be prolonged much longer. I rant because it’s frightening not knowing what the future will bring. I rant because the 29 year old in me is saying “If I make mistakes, people won’t say it’s okay because you’re not young anymore”. I rant because, well it’s my birthday so I give myself the right to and because I know people will be even more annoying about me having baby #2 sooner rather than never (yes never). I know I’m acting like a brat but wow, 30??? Me??? Really???
On the other hand, there are so many things that I am grateful for. I have been more than blessed these past few years and to rationalize, maybe turning 30 will (hopefully) bring much more blessings in my life. God has always helped me get back up after every fall and He has showered me with so much that I know no matter how scared I get, I am in the most capable hands. And of course it helps that I have a loving and supportive (ahem) husband.
I am also happy that I was able to accomplish most of the goals that I set for myself in the past year. My travel goals and experiences alone were awesome and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. To name a few – I was able to travel alone, I was able to travel with my son (who now has been to 5 countries including the Philippines), I was able to go to the top of the 3 tallest buildings in the world, I was able to go to a desert safari, I was able to go to the Swiss Alps and I was able to take part in the 200th Oktoberfest in Munich.
It has truly been an exciting year and hopefully despite my reservations/hesitation/despair, turning 30 will be a pleasant surprise 🙂
Here’s to turning 30 and beyond 🙂